Freedom to Feel

The teachers in our lives have one thing in common – that is to have an impact in the way we do, see or feel. It doesn’t matter if said teacher is an object, a living insect or new born baby. There is always something for us to learn about ourselves and the others if we look at life from their point of view. Take a page from their experience and be in that space, embrace the gift of feeling.

I’ve been bouncing from one wall to the other feeling from one extreme to the other. Happiness and sadness exist on the same spectrum, perhaps even on the same degree to make us realise what it’s like to be alive. It’s purpose is to reawaken the sleeping giant in all of us, to be a reminder that we have arrive, we have made it.

I’ll always have to justify the things I do, the feelings I stumble upon and the thoughts I’ve created. More for myself, just so I have a grasp of reality even though I’ve come to terms that reality is subjective. What is reality to you may not be the same case for me. Yet, the society I’ve been brought up to have somehow distilled the perception that how I feel is second to how the others are feeling (in question or in power) because as an individual, the concept does not conform to the norm. As an individual, one does not matter. Well almost, unless one is asked for an opinion.

This belief about individualism is almost so foreign to this society because it is made to (also) belief that being individualistic will create chaos. It’s as if by design, we’ve been taught to fear doing things unconventionally, to find our own understanding and journey regarding politics, religion and/or idea. Or maybe that’s just how I’ve been feeling as a Malaysian. We were once harmonious in the way we live – different yet respect each other’s space and time. The progressive thinking back in the day after our forefathers fought for independence were so valuable to making the nation a forward-thinking factory. It was that essence that made the country innovative back in the 70s and 80s. Always curious, always experimenting, just always looking to do something better – yeah that spirit somehow gave way to passive, spoon fed energy, almost as if people of today resigned to fate. What fate are they resigning to is another question altogether because if you don’t work for something (consistently, persistently, diligently), what is fate then?

No sense of pride in the work we do might give us a hint why the social ideology and moral have shifted so much in two decades. How do we fix this? There are too many causes to point out, not enough soldiers to fight for the betterment of the nation. I say this because, too often, majority have been whining and wailing about the condition of Malaysia – that giving up on the country is the best excuse to come up with a solution to get things moving forward. As if the country owes us all everything when most of us hardly to anything for the country.

The simple question to ask ourselves is (or the lack of asking), “What have we contributed to Malaysia?”

Maybe we have forgotten the infamous quote from John F. Kennedy that still rings truth to this day.

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.

This notion of being entitled (without working hard for it) is such a destructive ethos to live by, it’s becoming a crutch to this country as we speak. And even if one do work hard for it, chances are entitlement is not even part of the quality adopted. Or I’m just being mighty idealistic. The latter sounds about just right too.

Being disruptive doesn’t necessarily mean negative destruction. The act of asking why also creates curiosity, one that we’ve been succumb to not do since young. If you do, you’re seen as a trouble maker because the why’s tend to make people dig deeper, know further and be more invovled. Therefore, to say in power in whatever position, never question. Assume all is for the best, accept that there’s nothing anyone can do and believe that we have nothing to do with it. Wash hands and stay away. What a dismissive practice for a country that has so many things to offer.

Oh well, despite feeling the way I do being here, there’s always something to do that sparks fire. So, it’s all good, just that need to spread that fire even further to reach out to the others to join the fun. I think 2015, albeit being a mindfcking year thus far, the potential growth I’m forcing myself to do where career and life cross path together is monumental. So many things happening, projects taking place.. I’m looking forward to the graves I’m digging.

Oh yeah! also finalise my thesis most importantly. Heh.


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