Driving back home from an impromptu exploration in Kuala Lumpur got me wanting to write this piece immediately before that light bulb dims. On my way on the public highway, I saw a string of cars with a certain red political party flag blazing through the traffic jam. Maybe there was some kind of gathering nearby but every time I pass by one vehicle with the flag, I cringe.

To say that I have lack of pride for Malaysia is the total opposite.

I just think for a nation with diverse races and ethnics, it’s time for all of us to take a bigger step and embrace the differences as a whole instead of pigeon hole everything. After 58 years of independence, I would think that we’ve advanced in accepting who we are. I suppose, given the powers that be, in order to stay in power for as long as one dreams, rather than making decisions for the nation, the decisions are based on what goes into one’s pocket. Hence the need to still fill up forms acknowledging you’re either Malay, Chinese, Indian or Other for official documents.

Back then, I get the need for such system, but we’re in the 21st century and the society have evolved from being identified as just one race. Today, more than anything, we’re made of many religions, heritage and bloodline. So how is this still relevant today?

Since I was young, I had a difficult time figure this out. I always wondered to myself – how could I possibly tick only one box? If anything, I could tick all of the above and “Other” as well since I am made of all that. Wouldn’t be unfair to only acknowledge one and not the others, right?

Apparently, it’s wrong.

The moment you have Malay blood, it automatically takes helm in everything because of the Bumiputera status. Not that I think the value of one race is of much higher value than the rest, because how would I measure myself as Malay, Chinese, Indian and French since it’s all in me.

That’s why, when a certain minister best not mentioned, made the most ludicrous statement last election about asking the Chinese Malaysians to go back to mainland China out of spite, I questioned the state of affairs in Malaysian minds. How can this be accepted at any level? That would mean, I too have to be sent away then because I’m not Malay “enough”.

Again, the unfortunate thing that has been happening in Malaysia is that, the minority monkeys do not represent the nation. They happen to get the spotlight because the powers that be holds the rights to shine upon whoever whenever whatever according to their instruction. To our dismay, it’s these idiotic manners that’s been picked up internationally and one way or the other have painted a bad picture for the rest of us.

Oh how I weep inside for the turnaround of events that made us look foolish. Yet, I keep reminding myself, they do not reflect me or many of the amazing Malaysians in this country and therefore, I hope the fire keeps burning to help rebuild this nation into a better society. A better mindset.

Of course, being the overambitious idiot that I am, such drastic changes will take dog years to have an impact but that doesn’t mean it should deter you, me or other people to keep working on making Malaysia a better country.

It may seem baby steps, most of the time, it doesn’t even have that big of an imprint but longterm wise, every tiny decision we make to rebuild this country means we’re doing one thing better in that given time.

So, coming back to that particular flag incident, I’ve always thought that some parties have become irrelevant because it doesn’t represent Malaysia as a whole. It can force itself to be THE face of a particular type of mentality and race but it will not justify the decades of heritage Malaysians have helped brewed in this country. I wonder, how many of us come from pure blood lineage, anyway? Why can’t we be who we are without dividing based on our race?

As a country and nation, we are indeed a walking contradiction. We pride in being courteous, warm and harmonious but are these only verbally mentioned but not virtues we lived by?

Actually, take away all the material things, when you do explore Malaysia on your own, whether in the back alleys of the city or rural areas, you will find that soul that makes Malaysia, Malaysia. That essence that binds us together. We don’t need flashy neon lights labels to verify what we’re about. More of often than not, the harder we try to “sell” ourselves, the less authentic or genuine we become.

So all these political statements are just that, words. And it’s ashamed considering how much money they pump in to make campaigns out of it to only be mentioned at official functions when it’s an empty message at best.

If Malaysians allow themselves to be Malaysians, I reckon, we’d be a much more cultured, mindful and tolerant of each other. There’s a certain tenderness this society is slowly losing it’s grasp on and it saddens me more now than ever.

Coming back to Malaysia hasn’t been the smoothest transition physically, mentally and spiritually but I’ve slowly gone into a self recovery mode, doing the things I love and enjoy in Kuala Lumpur and Selangor. I’ve slowly come to realise why I have the need to be back and do impactful things for the community, for myself.

Yeah, I’ve been told by many of my decision to come back instead of settling elsewhere – apparently the grass is greener elsewhere but seriously, is it really that bad here when if you were to take a moment to observe, Malaysia is the best place to experiment and build foundations. If we stop looking at other countries, other people and their lifestyle, perhaps then we can start watering our own grass for once.

Many Malaysians always say, there’s nothing for me in Malaysia. Yeah, how much have you don’t for Malaysia to come to that conclusion?

The teachers in our lives have one thing in common – that is to have an impact in the way we do, see or feel. It doesn’t matter if said teacher is an object, a living insect or new born baby. There is always something for us to learn about ourselves and the others if we look at life from their point of view. Take a page from their experience and be in that space, embrace the gift of feeling.

I’ve been bouncing from one wall to the other feeling from one extreme to the other. Happiness and sadness exist on the same spectrum, perhaps even on the same degree to make us realise what it’s like to be alive. It’s purpose is to reawaken the sleeping giant in all of us, to be a reminder that we have arrive, we have made it.

I’ll always have to justify the things I do, the feelings I stumble upon and the thoughts I’ve created. More for myself, just so I have a grasp of reality even though I’ve come to terms that reality is subjective. What is reality to you may not be the same case for me. Yet, the society I’ve been brought up to have somehow distilled the perception that how I feel is second to how the others are feeling (in question or in power) because as an individual, the concept does not conform to the norm. As an individual, one does not matter. Well almost, unless one is asked for an opinion.

This belief about individualism is almost so foreign to this society because it is made to (also) belief that being individualistic will create chaos. It’s as if by design, we’ve been taught to fear doing things unconventionally, to find our own understanding and journey regarding politics, religion and/or idea. Or maybe that’s just how I’ve been feeling as a Malaysian. We were once harmonious in the way we live – different yet respect each other’s space and time. The progressive thinking back in the day after our forefathers fought for independence were so valuable to making the nation a forward-thinking factory. It was that essence that made the country innovative back in the 70s and 80s. Always curious, always experimenting, just always looking to do something better – yeah that spirit somehow gave way to passive, spoon fed energy, almost as if people of today resigned to fate. What fate are they resigning to is another question altogether because if you don’t work for something (consistently, persistently, diligently), what is fate then?

No sense of pride in the work we do might give us a hint why the social ideology and moral have shifted so much in two decades. How do we fix this? There are too many causes to point out, not enough soldiers to fight for the betterment of the nation. I say this because, too often, majority have been whining and wailing about the condition of Malaysia – that giving up on the country is the best excuse to come up with a solution to get things moving forward. As if the country owes us all everything when most of us hardly to anything for the country.

The simple question to ask ourselves is (or the lack of asking), “What have we contributed to Malaysia?”

Maybe we have forgotten the infamous quote from John F. Kennedy that still rings truth to this day.

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.

This notion of being entitled (without working hard for it) is such a destructive ethos to live by, it’s becoming a crutch to this country as we speak. And even if one do work hard for it, chances are entitlement is not even part of the quality adopted. Or I’m just being mighty idealistic. The latter sounds about just right too.

Being disruptive doesn’t necessarily mean negative destruction. The act of asking why also creates curiosity, one that we’ve been succumb to not do since young. If you do, you’re seen as a trouble maker because the why’s tend to make people dig deeper, know further and be more invovled. Therefore, to say in power in whatever position, never question. Assume all is for the best, accept that there’s nothing anyone can do and believe that we have nothing to do with it. Wash hands and stay away. What a dismissive practice for a country that has so many things to offer.

Oh well, despite feeling the way I do being here, there’s always something to do that sparks fire. So, it’s all good, just that need to spread that fire even further to reach out to the others to join the fun. I think 2015, albeit being a mindfcking year thus far, the potential growth I’m forcing myself to do where career and life cross path together is monumental. So many things happening, projects taking place.. I’m looking forward to the graves I’m digging.

Oh yeah! And..to also finalise my thesis most importantly. Heh.