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twenty one pilots: Holding On To You

If there’s something I’m well known for is to constantly take hold of the direction I’m heading. Often times, it’s not always the way you and I see it but most of the time, it’s always how He wants it.

So what do you do? What do I do?

Take the ride and make it our own.

I think if there’s anything that I can take from all the trips I’ve made – whether on my own or with strangers, it would probably be that just being there, observing, be part of life, His creations, our doings..it’s probably the most alive thing I would ever experience in my existence.

I don’t exactly have a bucket list of places I want to go. I just go. It doesn’t have to be places no one else has been or the number one I have to be. In that moment, where time and space meets, I take it. I make it a part of my chapter, my life..just simply my own thing.

So right after #TSBreakAway ended, I’ve been bombarded with “What’s next?”. Like do I have to know what to answer? I’ve only just started breathing. Ask me next month maybe?

But that’s the thing with me and I don’t know what everyone might think..I don’t plan out in detail but I do somehow know where I should end up in. How I’m getting there, that part I leave it to the Guy Upstairs to write for me. I am after all his character to play with.

I know that if I’m lost, I’ll find my way back. I go back to basic, to where I know best.

This song, twenty one pilot’s Holding On To You best describes how I feel the whole year. Last year, I might struggle finding sanity, this year it’s finding my faith where faith may seem to disappear.

#TSBreakAway is a sum of that, of my miseries, my frustrations, my joy and my passion for the things I do and love, for the wants and needs and for what I want to change. I’m thankful that many share the same vision as I am in making it happen, to an extend, giving me their hand to lift me up when I’m in darkness and for all that has happened, that madness I put myself into, I only have them to thank for.

I don’t know what I can do best. I don’t know if I’ll be doing the next big thing or if I can come up with anything. I do know that when it’s something so dear to me is at the brink of extinction, I become protective..yet powerless at the sight of seeing it dying.

A lot like our earth really. That urge to hurl at the sight of a balding Earth is unbearable.

Still, I do wonder why He created me. I probably annoy more people than I can count but at the end of the day, if you do what you know is best – everyone else can talk about you, of what they know about you and it doesn’t exactly matter. It could be good, it could be bad. Just keep doing what matters to you. What makes you feel better being alive. The rest will be taken care of eventually.

I think I know where this post is heading or why I ended up writing it (my fingers, it’s all their doings really). That I’ve grown up since young being called with all sorts of names, some hurt me more than others but today, knowing why I do what I do, and do it well with the help of others – it doesn’t kill me anymore. It doesn’t kill me to think that “You know what, you can’t please everyone. You can’t make everyone like you”.

That, they can believe whatever version of you and that’s ok.

Sasha gave me possibly the book that changed my life at 25 and this was part of what I’ve been carrying myself with,

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss

So yeah, I’ve accepted that I am weird and it’s no easy task to fit in in a society that thrives in normalcy or whatever it means. I am ok being on my own. Ok that I only have friends I can count with my fingers who knows me. If you’re not part of that, I am fine by it too.

Just that, I’ve had too many complications in the past, where it blinded me too many times so as of late, I’m only invested in what is worth my mind and soul.

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Safe

Right now. This very moment, all I want to do is take my car keys and go.

Just go somewhere, shut the voices in my head. To be on constant speed where all I need to focus is the drive.

That’s how I’m feeling right this very second.

Just when I think emotions can be all-consuming, I find a way to release it before coming terms with whatever I have to face with.

Today, I realised I have a couple of things to work on. Like humans, we’re always a work in progress.

I’m a work in progress.

Maybe, just maybe He made me love driving so much is because deep down – if there’s anything I could grab a hold of, it’s the keys. The one that keeps me still and grounded.

Without it, I would be shattered into pieces.

Driving to me is not just getting from A to B. It’s a therapy to my haywire mind. The machine that untangles.

My mode to travel through space. In bad times and good.

Driving is my sanctuary.

I don’t have to go far. All I need is me and my car. That’s what travel means to me. With good music, whether it’s early morning or late night.

It makes me feel a lot more sane and closer to Him.

As ridiculous as that may sound, that’s how it is and I haven’t done this in a while.

Perhaps I should be doing that. Just go. Go wherever it wants to take me. That sidekick of mine.

With Bonnie Bailey’s Safe in mind, all that matters is going for a drive. Feeling safe.

That and I have to finally come to terms with certain things that I’ve been grieving for years. I hope today, I’ll be able to put a stop to it. Overcome it without feeling like I could’ve done something but nothing more I could do.

Ok before I rant anymore nonsense. Who’s up for a drive?

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Busking in Music: Joe Moore & Smile

One of my favourite things to do while walking around Sydney was the sounds of Joe Moore crooning. There was one time when he sang Dancing in the Moonlight and despite having other places to go, I made a stop just to listen to the song at Pitt Street.

In that moment, I couldn’t have found a more perfect moment.

Despite being a pretty busy city, when you find a way to tune out the buzz of Sydney; you’ll get to know the more sentimental side.

My first encounter with Joe Moore was in the evening while waiting for Syiks to finish work. This is his original song called Smile and there’s always a crowd when he strum.

Wanted to get his album but didn’t have small change. But hey, he’s on Facebook. So yay!

https://www.facebook.com/joemooremusic

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Zack Arias & A Sense of Charm in Photography

No matter what I do, I’ll have to inject some art bits in it. Maybe if I can’t do it bluntly but I try to add an art point of view here and there.

To me, art is the essence of life. The x-factor to the things we do on daily basis. Maybe you might not see it that way, but horning your skill, even by sweeping the floor, getting a certain routine formulated .. that is art too.

But I’m not writing about art.

I wanna talk about my fear of going up to people and asking their permission to take photos of them. I have done in the past, sometimes just to challenge myself. And I find joy in knowing that people don’t mind actually. However, I’m still intimidated to go up to people.

Watching Zack Arias doing his thing like it’s no big deal is an inspiration I hope to harness in June. There are two reasons for this,

I: I’ll be heading down under for a break but also to finally come back from the dead in taking street photography with my new sidekick.

II: Enrolling myself for 3 days street photography workshop with Chemat (a living legend in Malaysia) in Penang for Obscura Festival.

So, either ways, I still have to get down on my knees and work on my photography. I’ve been told that Chemat is one guy who takes no-nonsense. Which is good for me but I better know my shit!

I like that Zack Arias isn’t intimidated by people and people are just as fond of him. There’s that connection, that extra zing to capture because he makes them comfortable. Something I want to work on from now onwards.

In a way, it helps build my self-esteem which once upon a time was almost non-existent.

But activities like this, people like him, friends I have make me want to be better for myself. Build myself up because I deserve it, because He obviously has a plan for me for sticking around this long despite me not knowing what it is.

So I think, everything is planned out the way it should be. Just received my new sidekick and it’s time for one heck of a bonding session baby!

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TED Prize: JR

I know it’s a Saturday but I thought of this video off an on, I don’t know why. There’s so much goodness in JR’s words, works and thoughts.

If you’re ever in Paris and spotted paper graffitis (these days it’s cut-out shapes of drawings) on the wall, along the alleys – this was how it all started. Many moon years ago. It’s kinda like an signature, the other side to that Parisien romantic dream many people associate the City of Lights.

Anyway, I’d love for you to spend some time and watch this video, how much impact something so simple yet became a functional design that could save lives (or make lives better).

I always believe that while we can’t change the world, we can make a difference, at least to one person. We might not know about it but that’s what the magic is all about.

Perhaps you too might be inspired to leave a mark in the future?